Dealing with loss and grief is never easy. There will never be a convenient time to lose someone dear to you. Grief and loss already weigh so much on their own, and when you add the current situation that we are experiencing during this pandemic, the feeling will most likely become too much to bear for people who lost a loved one due to coronavirus or any other illness.
As public gatherings are prohibited in most countries, some or most people are not able to say goodbye to their deceased loved ones. This leaves people feeling hopeless, having no closure, and feeling as though they weren’t able to do enough for their beloved. According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition, the process of holding the hands of a dying loved one and having the time to stay with him or her after death are ways to come face the loss and the reality of death. He also added that facing the loss and the reality that someone died are the two most difficult things to do for the bereaved.
Without the funeral and memorial plan, the family members will not be able to properly process their grief and the extended family members and friends of the deceased may also helpless when it comes to assisting those who are mourning. So here are some tips to possibly overcome the loss of a friend or family during the pandemic:
1. Know that your feelings are valid
There are no right or wrong ways to undergo the process of grief. It is messy and a natural response to loss. Our response to loss can be different for every person and also for each person we lose. Generally, grief begins acutely with intense emotions, preoccupying thoughts, physical reactions, and behaviours focused on caring, honouring, and a feeling of closeness to those that are grieving with you. Over time, you adapt to loss by accepting its reality and restoring your well-being.
2. Understand that sudden loss is shocking and difficult to comprehend
After a painful loss, it is easy to imagine possible ways of it not happening. This is something that almost everyone does. When a loved one dies suddenly, with our current situation of lockdowns and being stock at home, the tendency to get caught up in imagining all kinds of alternative scenarios is even stronger. This thought process is called the “derailer” because it can sidetrack the adaptive healing process.
3. Watch out for thoughts that can derail your healing process
There are certain thoughts that can take too much space in your mind. It can be natural thoughts, feelings, or behaviours that can derail healing during acute grieving. These include protesting the death – guilt, anger, self-blame, or shame; losing faith in yourself; imagining ways things could have gone differently; excessive avoidance of reminders of the loss; and extreme social isolation.
4. Don’t get caught up in guilt
There are two types of guilt that people experience when grieving. There is the guilt that you weren’t able to do something for your deceased loved one, then there’s survivor guilt. Survivor guilt is the feeling that makes you feel like you should not enjoy things yourself. Whether you are grieving or helping someone who is, it is important to open opportunities for positive feelings. In short, you need to allow yourself to have joy and satisfaction in your life again. Although this may take a while, just try not to hold yourself back from having positive emotions.
5. Make a call
Grief can be an isolating experience. But with the pandemic ongoing, and everyone is feeling isolated, opening yourself up to others through phone calls, video calls, and social media interactions with friends and family is essential. You can make a list of people you are comfortable with the most and call them at least once a week. This will help you drastically in your journey with grief.
6. Tell stories and listen
Sharing memories about your deceased loved one is helpful for those who are grieving. If you are a person comforting your grieving friend, just the act of listening is helpful. You don’t have to have the right words to say to comfort them, just listen.
7. Seek mental health assistance from an expert
Therapy can help grieving people in a number of ways. Mental health clinicians can help you understand what you are feeling and teach you how to develop coping skills. Even during a pandemic, you can seek therapy through online sessions. This can also help as this might feel less intimidating than going to therapy in person.Grief is a process. Some people take months up to several years until they overcome their grief. But with mental health assistance, you will be able to understand and deal with your grief in a healthier way. If you are looking for online mental health assistance and therapy, you can contact online doctor Ontario. Your mental health is essential. Seek help.
