The death of a loved one is never easy but a pandemic makes the sadness even worse. Deaths brought about by Covid 19, for example, often mean loved ones are dying without their families by their side due to restrictions and health protocols. We then mourn mostly alone in separate corners of the world. Grieving, already a tumultuous and lonely affair has become even more taxing. But how can we help each other to deal with this phenomenon?
A pandemic, almost always, binds humanity in grief. At present, we are confronting the coronavirus pandemic that claimed 2.3 million lives across the globe as of February 2, 2021. Along with deaths, it has also led to a lot of loss — of jobs, special occasions, and more. We all feel grief, fear, and even panic.
But we can always have each other’s back. Intense grief in this extraordinary time must not keep us from moving forward in our lives. We must take care of the bereaved family members who could be suffering from mental anguish. And for being alive despite the fatalities, survivors must not feel guilty for those who passed away.
Below are some insights into ways to support a grieving loved one during a pandemic:
Listen and validate their feelings. For those who have recently gone through a loss, speaking about their beloved minimizes the pain they are feeling. Listen. Let them talk about their loved ones and even cry until they come to a natural stop. Expressing a lot of emotions will generally provide some relief which will make one ready to talk about something else.
However discomfort we feel in watching them grieve, do not be tempted in offering quick resolution or shrugging off their feelings. Instead, validate their emotions. Remember that your first job is not to comfort but to listen. Let the grieving person retell the stories as much as they want. In doing so, they will make sense of their loss.
Organize a virtual funeral or memorial. For centuries, funerals and memorials have been a means of expressing our beliefs, thoughts, and feelings. Through these, friends and relatives will have an opportunity to pay their last respects. Just seeing how much others care during these ceremonies can help the bereaved family adjust to their loss. Indeed, funerals and memorials can provide solace and, perhaps, a sense of closure for those left behind.
However, during the pandemic, we cannot get together as we have been accustomed to. In fact, many are even buried without the presence of friends and relatives. Thus, funerals and memorials, just like how we do about our lives through video chats and FaceTime, can be moved online.
If the bereaved person is agreeable to holding these rites digitally with your help, you can then proceed in planning in holding one. Reach out to individuals who are friends with the loved one who died. They can share their stories and contribute photos and videos with the deceased. With consideration to their belief, you may also ask the availability of religious leaders to officiate prayers and funeral rituals virtually.
Reminisce joyful memories. You can reach out to the bereaved family members and share joyful memories you made with the person who died. You can do this through a simple letter, email, or video message detailing such cherished memories. Your kind words can provide some relief, however minimal.
If you so wish and if you feel comfortable about it, you may also talk with them over the phone or video chat. One must be reminded, however, not to try to make the person’s grief disappear by the sheer reliving of joyous times. After all, happy memories won’t resolve someone’s grief, it can only lessen its intensity.
Keep in touch. Aside from listening and validating their emotions, let them know that you are just there for them. While it is easy to express condolatory messages, staying in touch is another matter of equal, if not greater, importance. It is crucial to remain in their lives.
Keeping in touch does not need to be complicated, especially if you are not comfortable in being so. Just make sure they can still feel your presence from afar and you share their loss. Staying present can be expressed by a simple text message or a call once in a while. The touching base could go a long way, even if you simply send a card, email, or text. It makes a difference, especially during this lonely time.
However, be cognizant of verbal and nonverbal cues signifying their discomfort with your check-ins. If there are, take these as signs to minimize or halt the follow-ups. When the signs say otherwise, or if the person says they love talking with you, then continue doing such.
Encourage them to reach out to support groups and get professional support. Grief is a complicated state and we all have different coping mechanisms in dealing with a loss. Encourage the grieving persons to identify all their support networks and to reach them out. Let them join online support groups to go through their grief. Perhaps you can recommend that they reach out to these groups.
You may also suggest that they seek the aid of individual grief therapists if the said person is not comfortable with a support group. It is always best to seek professional help, thus, encourage them to visit a walk-in clinic in Brantford.
Therapy can help with any sort of loss. It is where they can explore their feelings and memories. Since no loss is too big or too small to warrant support, you do not have to endure your grief alone.
